why am I so jealous and insecure

Why Am I So Jealous and Insecure?

Have you ever felt jealous and insecure in a romantic relationship? You’re not alone. Many of us have experienced these feelings at one point or another, but it can be difficult to understand why we feel this way. In this blog post, we’ll explore the common causes of jealous and insecure feelings in relationships, as well as how to overcome them. We’ll look at how low self-esteem, lack of confidence, fear of rejection or abandonment, and unmet expectations or goals can all contribute to jealous feelings. Finally, we’ll discuss ways to increase self-awareness and challenge thinking patterns that lead to unhealthy jealousy so that you can break out of this cycle and create healthier relationships with yourself and others.

A Definition of Jealous Feelings and Insecurity

Jealousy is the feeling of intense envy or resentment when someone else has something that we want or feel they don’t deserve. Insecurity is the feeling of being uncertain and lacking self-confidence. Jealousy can be a very strong emotion and can lead to feelings of fear, anger, confusion, and hurt. It is important to recognize these feelings as soon as possible so that you can manage them in a healthy way before they become overwhelming or destructive.

In order to manage feelings of jealousy and insecurity, it is important to gain an understanding of why you are feeling this way. This can involve examining any patterns in your thinking or behaviour that may be causing these feelings. It is also beneficial to identify any potential underlying factors such as low self-esteem, fear of rejection or abandonment, or unmet expectations or goals. Understanding the root causes of your emotions can help you better manage them and ultimately lead to healthier levels of self-confidence and self-esteem.

Why Do People Feel Jealous and Insecure?

Feeling jealous is a feeling that everyone experiences at certain times in their life. It is a feeling of fear, insecurity and envy, often caused by feeling a lack of something – or someone – that we desire. It can come from feeling unimportant or inadequate compared to other people, and feeling like our own worth isn’t enough, whether it be in relationships, careers or social situations.

Jealousy can also arise as an underlying feeling of mistrust between two people, causing toxic thoughts and negative energy to exist in the relationship. Understanding why we feel jealous is key to being able to manage these feelings and feeling more secure in ourselves and our relationships.

Common Causes of Feeling Jealous and Insecurity

Feeling jealous and feeling insecure go hand in hand. It is only natural to feel a certain level of jealousy or insecurity when feeling threatened, intimidated, or worried about the actions of others towards us. Jealousy stems from feeling like we are not enough or feeling that someone else has something we want. Unchecked thoughts of jealousy can lead to envy, resentment, and even anger. Insecurities come from feeling uncertain about our capability and fear that there is something lacking in us compared to other people which prevents us from feeling successful or accepted.

Without developing strategies to manage feeling jealous and insecure, it can be destructive for both an individual’s mental well-being as well as their relationships with others.

Below are some of the main reasons why people feel jealous or insecure.

Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem is characterised by a lack of self-worth and self-doubt. It can also reduce self-confidence, causing people to feel inadequate and unworthy in comparison to those around them. When people experience feelings of low self-esteem, they can resort to negative behaviours such as jealousy because these feelings can stir up the need for validation and security. Jealousy leads to feelings of frustration, fear, and envy because the person lacks self-assurance. Ultimately these irrational emotions are rooted in underlying self-esteem issues that lead a person to be jealous of others’ successes or external circumstances.

Lack of Self-Confidence

A jealous person is someone who consistently doubts the faithfulness of their partner. For many, this can lead to a never-ending cycle of self-doubt and anxiety. Most often this behaviour manifests itself in an unhealthy jealousy that results from a lack of confidence in one’s relationship. Jealous thoughts become pervasive, as an individual constantly overanalyses behaviours and interactions in their associate looking for signs of dishonesty or betrayal.

Such insecurity leads to jealous perspectives that only bring about unhappiness and stress for both partners. Unfortunately, a lack of confidence can trigger jealous feelings, thus making it important to confront self-doubts before they manifest into unfounded jealous suspicions.

Fear of Rejection or Abandonment

Jealousy can manifest in a person when they have an irrational fear of rejection or abandonment. When jealous thoughts come to the surface, it can be difficult to control them and they can quickly spiral out of control, leading to unhealthy jealous behaviours. This fear of being left behind or neglected can cause jealous reactions that create a wedge between two people, even if neither person has done anything wrong.

Jealous people may act in jealous ways such as seeking revenge, accusing the other of wrongdoings, or constantly checking up on someone. Fortunately, fearful jealous behaviour is reversible and understanding why one experiences those jealous feelings is key to breaking the cycle. Understanding and accepting that defining moments cannot be controlled by any jealous thought process is essential for resolving uncomfortable jealousy issues.

Unmet Expectations or Goals

Unmet expectations and goals in life can lead to healthy jealousy, especially when it is expressed by partners. It may trigger off feelings of inadequacy or even a sense of betrayal when one looks back and remembers the promises made at the beginning of a relationship. Jealousy can creep in if a partner fails to live up to their promises, making their significant other feel that expectations have not been met.

However, healthy jealousy should be expressed in healthy ways without any sort of emotional manipulation or physical violence but rather healthy conversations about how both parties can work together to overcome jealous feelings. With patience and understanding, unmet expectations and goals won’t have to affect a relationship in an unhealthy way but instead help both partners form healthier connections with each other.

How Jealous Feelings Affect Romantic Relationships

Jealousy is an emotion that can have a huge impact on any romantic relationship. It’s not uncommon for one partner to be jealous of the other and feel threatened if their partner interacts with someone else. The jealous partner may make irrational accusations, or even provoke jealousy in their partner by flirting with someone else. In some cases, jealous feelings can lead to distorted or unhealthy thoughts and behaviours within a romantic relationship, such as blaming the other person or becoming overly possessive.

If jealous feelings aren’t managed properly, they could damage the relationship – but if both partners learn to understand where these jealous feelings are coming from, it can actually help them enhance their understanding of each other while strengthening their bond.

How to Overcome Feelings of Jealousy and Insecurity

Here are 7 tips on how to overcome jealousy. Use those which apply to you and see how the changes that you make improve your life and your relationship.

1. Increase Self-Awareness

Jealousy is a normal emotion that can arise in any relationship, but it can be destructive if left unchecked. It’s important to understand why your own jealousy arises and how it affects your relationships. By having awareness of your own issues and feelings, you are much more able to overcome jealousy and decrease distressing feelings such as feeling powerless, untrusting or angry.

Therefore, it’s essential to take steps to overcome these distressing emotions in order to maintain healthy relationships with those we care about most.

2. Identify Negative Thoughts

Jealousy is an emotion that can have a destructive effect on relationships if it’s not managed properly. It’s important to recognize jealous thoughts and replace them with positive ones in order to maintain healthy relationships with those we care about most. Fortunately, there are steps we can take to overcome our own jealousy and increase self-awareness.

When you are recognising that your thoughts are negative, you can simply ask inside of yourself “Where does that thought REALLY come from?” Become aware of the event or belief that shows itself and then work to resolve that issue. This way, there won’t be anything inside of you for the negative thoughts to be created from.

3. Challenge Thinking Patterns

One of the most important steps in overcoming feelings of jealousy is to challenge irrational thinking patterns that often lead to jealous reactions. When an individual begins to feel insecure or jealous, they are likely holding onto irrational beliefs such as ‘my partner doesn’t care enough about me’ or ‘I am not good enough for them’.

It is important to identify these thought patterns, and challenge them by looking at the evidence objectively. Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts, focus on positive beliefs instead such as ‘my partner will be there for me no matter what’ or ‘I am capable of achieving my own goals’.

4. Develop Healthy Coping Strategies

Once an individual has identified the underlying causes of their jealousy, it is important to develop healthy coping skills. One way to express the feeling of jealousy in a healthy manner is to talk about it openly and honestly with your partner. This allows both individuals to identify how their actions may affect each other and come up with solutions together. It also creates an environment for both partners to support each other and overcome any feelings of insecurity.

Additionally, self-care activities such as yoga, exercising or socializing can help decrease stress levels and provide a sense of balance. Finally, if the feelings persist, it is important to seek professional help in order to gain further insight into the issue and develop better coping mechanisms.

5. Seek Professional Help

Hypnotherapy is an effective way to overcome feelings of jealousy and insecurity. Hypnotherapy can help you to identify the underlying causes of your jealousy, overcome negative thinking patterns. work through your negative feelings and develop healthier coping strategies.

Additionally, hypnotherapists are well-equipped to guide individuals through the process of healing their relationships with themselves. By working closely with a hypnotherapist, you can learn how to overcome feelings of jealousy and build confidence in yourself and your relationship.

6. Practice Self-Care

Physical and mental health are essential for overcoming feelings of jealousy and insecurity. Eating well, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep can all help to reduce stress levels and provide a sense of balance.

A balanced diet is important for physical and emotional well-being. Eating a variety of nutrient-dense foods such as fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins will help to improve mood and overall health. Exercising regularly can also help to reduce stress levels and increase feelings of self-worth.

Regularly taking time for yourself is another important aspect of self-care that can help overcome jealousy. Activities such as yoga, meditation, journaling, or spending time with friends can help you to deal with jealousy and lower any temporary heightened emotions that you may be currently experiencing.

7. Focus on Strengthening Your Relationship

Spending quality time together is one of the best ways to help strengthen any relationship and overcome jealous and insecure feelings. When two individuals in a relationship are spending time together, it is important to engage in activities that help both partners stay connected with each other. This will ensure that both parties remain committed to the relationship and can help to reduce jealous reactions.

Engaging in activities that both partners enjoy can help keep the relationship fresh and exciting, while also providing a sense of stability and security. Additionally, engaging in deep conversations about emotions or experiences allows for deeper connection between both parties. This will help to strengthen the bond between two individuals and make it easier for them to communicate openly and honestly with each other.

By focusing on these strategies, individuals can work together to overcome feelings of jealous and insecurity in any relationship. By increasing self-awareness, challenging negative thinking patterns, and engaging in meaningful activities together, individuals can feel more secure and confident in their relationships. With patience and dedication, jealous or insecure feelings can be reduced.

Whilst jealousy is a natural human emotion, without these strategies in place it can be difficult to deal with jealousy. Following the above strategies and committing to them can help you to enjoy a healthier relationship. No one enjoys being with a jealous partner, so if you are one, make the changes! 


Romantic jealousy is an emotion that can be difficult to manage, but with the right strategies in place, it doesn’t have to control your life. By increasing self-awareness and challenging negative thoughts, individuals can learn how to better cope with their romantic jealous feelings.

Additionally, hypnotherapy can provide a safe space for people to explore the root causes of their insecurity and develop healthier coping mechanisms for dealing with romantic jealousy. With patience and dedication, anyone struggling with excessive romantic jealousy will be able to enjoy more fulfilling relationships.

If excessive jealousy is harming your relationship, speak with The Leeds Hypnotherapist today to find out how we can help you. Use the Whatsapp button or go to the contact page to get in touch.




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